Duke Nukem V Mama
by kenxepe
Summary: A fight very few saw coming.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Duke Nukem or Mama or any other fictional or real character appearing in this fan fiction. I also do not make any money out of this.

WARNING: This is more for Duke Nukem fans. Mama fans will probably not enjoy this.

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Duke Nukem VS Mama

by Kenxepe

Duke sits buck naked, (save for his Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses) behind his expensive desk. The top panel, made of exotic wood, is covered with an assortment of high-grade weaponry ranging from SIG Pro semi-automatic pistols to rocket-propelled grenade launchers.

He takes a drag on a fine Cuban cigar, as he loads his favorite gold-plated, Colt 1911 pistol. The sound of the pistol slide clicking into place rouses the woman in his luxury firm, very decorated, fancy, king-sized bed.

She yawns, stretches, and then sits up, allowing the seamless silk bedsheets to fall off her curvaceous form.

"Duke. Come back to bed," she invites him in a soft, provocative voice.

"No time for sleep, naked Scarlett Johansson," Duke replies. "I just received word that a Doctor Gerald Dreyfuss was ruthlessly murdered in a remote cabin, and no one seems to give a shit! Well, I'm going to do something about that."

"I wasn't talking about sleeping," naked Scarlett Johansson purrs.

"She's right, Duke," a second woman in the bed chimes. "Besides, you could make time, can't you? For us?"

"You're right, naked Gal Gadot," Duke agrees, nodding. "I'm the king, after all. Time waits for no one, but Duke Nukem!"

And the girls giggle as Duke puts his favorite gold-plated, Colt 1911 pistol down, and climbs back into bed with them.

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Several steamy love sessions later, and Duke is in the garage. Dressed now in a red tank top, blue jeans, and boots, he boards his personal Mighty Foot monster truck. After throwing his military duffel bag of death into the passenger's seat, he turns the ignition.

The engine of the massive vehicle roars to life, as if it were possessed by some furious demon, that after several millennia, has finally been freed of its prison!

The garage door opens, and the monster truck barrels across the street.

Duke Nukem fears nothing. But secretly, he fears for others. Not really a man of faith, in his heart, he prays he is not too late.

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The cabin where the good doctor died is decrepit, and surrounded by dry leaves, and dead trees.

Duke quickly draws his customized, golden pistol, and spins on his heel when he hears a footfall behind him.

"Don't shoot!" Dylan (Duke's old friend, war buddy, and member of the Earth defense Force) shouts, his arms raised fearfully.

"Keep your voice down," Duke chastises him, lowering his firearm. "Did you discover the body?"

"Yeah. Couldn't make it in time. We knew that something was up. That's why I was tailing him. But we weren't sure enough to make a move. I mean, we're more in the look out for aliens. Not ghosts."

"I'm not a humanitarian by any means, Dylan," Duke admits grimly. "I don't believe that all life is precious. As a matter of fact, I believe that some people deserve to have their brains blown away. But the good doctor here wasn't one of them."

Then they hear a woman's scream from the direction of the cliff.

"Also," Duke adds. "There are those who should just stay dead!"

Hungry for battle, Duke starts for the forest that leads to the rock face.

"Stay here!" he commands Dylan.

"But why?! I'm armed. I'm a soldier. I can take care of myself."

"I know. I need you to watch my truck. Someone might try to boost the tires."

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The monster, that the sisters, Victoria and Lilly, simply refer to as Mama, stands at the very edge of the cliff. She is preparing to reenact her death. Except this time, she plans to take the two children with her.

Annabel pleads with the monster, offering the remains of Mama's child in exchange for the lives of her lover's nieces.

The offer is rejected. Mama attacks Annabel and Lucas (the sisters' uncle) when-

"Yo! She Bitch!" Duke hollers. "Let's go."

The hapless family turns in surprise to see the tall, muscle-bound blond with the military-style flattop haircut.

"I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass," the big man announces, raising his sleek 12 gauge single barreled pump-action shotgun at the monstrosity. "And I'm all out of bubble gum."

Mama laughs eerily.

"No! Run!" Annabel screams at Duke. "You can't hurt her with that!"

Duke smirks, then pulls the trigger. The shell thunders out of the weapon's muzzle. And Mama shrieks in pain as the projectile rips the right side of her ribcage apart!

"Rock salt shot rounds," Duke explains confidently. "Evil spirits hate 'em."

Angrily, Mama growls and, on all fours, rushes towards her enemy!

Only to be met by another shotgun shell. This one obliterates her shoulder, tearing her entire right arm off!

"Mama!" Lilly cries worriedly.

"Shut that little fuck up or I will!" Duke warns, pointing at the family.

With eyes wide and fearful, Lilly shuts her mouth immediately.

Distracted, Duke is unable to react in time, and Mama is able to quickly close the gap between them. With a swipe of her remaining, elongated, bony arm, she backhands the shotgun out of Duke's hand! Another swipe, and her razor sharp claws tear the front of his shirt open!

With a deafening screech, she goes for the kill!

But stops.

She is sidetracked by her adversary's nice, square, manly pecs. The sight of his ripped six-pack abs begins to arouse her.

"Oh my-!" Annabel gasps, pressing a palm against her rapidly and noisily beating heart.

Little Victoria, herself, has to adjust her glasses in disbelief of the sheer majesty her innocent little eyes are being exposed to.

Lucas slowly shields his nieces' vision with his hands.

Duke Nukem seizes the opportunity and lands a powerful right hook to the side of the dumbfounded ghost's head.

"Surprised?!" Duke gloats. "I'm wearing brass knuckles that are made of iron. So I guess...technically...I can't even really call them brass anymore, can I? More like iron knuckles. Whatever. Point is, I can hurt you with these, too!"

He connects again with a stinging left cross that shatters several of her rotten teeth!

"See, I did my research," Duke continues. "Which is basically watching a Supernatural marathon with naked Megan Fox."

A right uppercut finally knocks the monstrosity off of its feet and onto its ass.

"Wait! Wait!" Mama yells, her only hand raised defensively.

"How about that?" Lucas remarks. "She can talk."

"You can't do this to me! I don't deserve this!" the ghost pleads. "I'm the victim here! I'm a mother who lost her child! I deserve pity, understanding, compassion-"

"You deserve a mighty foot to the face, you fucking lunatic!" Duke counters. "And you didn't lose your child. You fucking killed it! Or do you want us to just conveniently forget the little fact that you're a baby killer?! Your child could've been somebody! Maybe a doctor, or a president. Or maybe even a mama herself. But we'll never know that now, will we?"

Mama is stunned more by Duke's words than by his iron fists.

"I...I killed my child...?" she stutters, tears beginning to well in her eyes.

"Yea, and now I'm gonna exorcise you the Duke Nukem way. I'm gonna ground and pound you till you decide to cross over to the hell where you belong!"

"No! There's no need for that," she tells him resolutely. "I deserve hell. I see that now. But could I just say one thing before I go?"

"What's that?"

"You're just bitter because my movie was a hit, and your last game flopped."

"WHAT? Why you little-!"

And Mama turns into a shower of moths that vanishes into the winds.

Lucas rises, and approaches their rescuer.

"Thank you," he tells him. "Thank you for-"

But Duke suddenly hits him with a punch to the stomach that brings Lucas to his knees!

"What are you doing?!" Annabel screams, rushing to her boyfriend's side. "Are you crazy?!"

"I'm crazy?!" Duke contests. "That ghost was terrorizing your lives, and you were looking for ways to appease it, instead of finding ways to kick its ass! Last I checked, this is still America! And we don't negotiate with terrorists here!"

Duke turns and stomps away.

#

Walking back to his monster truck, Duke waves to Dylan, when he gets a video call.

"Hello, naked Scarlett Johansson," Duke greets her. "Not that I mind, but why are you still naked, by the way? Aren't you cold?"

"Thought I'd motivate you to come home faster," she answers playfully.

"Well, then consider me motivated."

"The girls and I used the Duke Spy Drone to watch your fight. You were awesome. Doesn't look like you got a lot of love from the family you rescued, though."

"Bah! That's nothing new. Just ask the veterans that came back from 'Nam. Hero doesn't always get the love he deserves."

"Well, when you get back here, I'm gonna make sure you get the lovin' you deserve, soldier."

Duke smiles, "I'll be expecting some sugar, baby."

END


End file.
